NEW BLOG

So my Goomba's mad at me. My pet Goomba that is. Really furious. Why? Cause I used to have a Goomba blog but after a couple weeks stopped. There were hundreds of reasons for this. Thousands even. But you can read over my old posts (which you'll see up here in a second) to get more info. Now I'm back with a blog about all sorts of things that interest or bore the world. Goomba will be around. He'll be back. But there will be more. Bigger, better, stronger. Or whatever they say. Whenever I hear that phrase I think of penis size. Not sure why.

I think my inaugural post will be about the panda. We all know this creature well. To some it's a study in the power of integration- Black and White creature from China captures the world's heart. That kind of thing. I see that point, sure. But the panda is more than that. It's a walking teddy bear that has regular bear teeth but chooses to eat only bamboo. Incredible.

Back when I lived in DC, I lived a few blocks from the zoo and since it was free, I treated the pandas like my own pets. Pets that I couldn't walk or feed, sure. But pets all the same. One day it snowed and seeing these bears frolic in the snow gave me so much joy that I almost forgot that I resided in the absolute crack-scarred shithole that is Washington DC. I also bought a panda documentary, which is really two panda documentaries in one. The first is about the panda and other creatures that live in the bamboo forests (like the red panda and the bamboo rat... speaking of which, the red panda and the giant panda aren't even related. They thought they were when rumors swirled that the giant panda was actually a raccoon. Then science caught up to the myth and it was proven once and for all that the giant panda is a real actual bear- unlike the koala bear or the teddy bear- and the red panda is a raccoon) and the second is about the baby born at the San Diego zoo. That one's narrated by Matthew McConaughey or maybe it's Matt Dillon or Matthew Modine or Matthew Broderick... or maybe it's Gary Matthews or the disciple Matthew. I forget. Whichever Matthew does a great job though.

Anyway, these documentaries are incredible. I've probably watched the bamboo forest one 10 times. I told my panda loving girlfriend Jen about it when I first met her and she didn't believe I had a panda documentary. It's funny that we've been dating two years now and we haven't watched it together yet. We should. It's great... There's this one horribly sad part though. It talks about how the panda eats bamboo at one elevation on the mountain and then the bamboo dies so they go to a lower elevation and eat the bamboo there. But due to climate cycles, every several years, the bamboo dies at the same time at both elevations so the panda starves. They have a shot of the panda eating dead bamboo and the narrator (not Matthew, that's the other documentary.. some Brit) says "this panda is wasting precious energy eating dead bamboo that will give him absolutely no nutrition." Perfect. It's so devastating.

Anyway, on a happier note, check out this adorable video!



UPDATE:

What the hell man? Why did they remove this? I'm so sad. This was amazing. They were carrying around pandas and shit... oh which reminds me, I have a bamboo tree outside my new apartment and I wanted to put a panda in it. If anyone has the inside track on pet pandas, let me know. If not I guess I'll put a stuffed panda in the tree. Or maybe Jen's R2D2. He's kind of like a robot version of a panda.