Topical Tuesdays: Indiana and North Carolina

Aw shit, aw shit, aw shit. It's another primary day. My addiction to this season has sort of dropped off, but I'm still checking NY Times, CNN, Huffington, Drudge, etc every hour or so (down from every five seconds). My favorite thing about the Drudge Report is how they photofuck with all the liberals and make them look like zombies. They find the scariest picture possible and then seem to remove all color. Except they sometimes make Barack look darker too. Tricky conservatives.

Less that 6 minutes till Indiana closes! 3% of the vote in, 'Bama has 41%, Hill 59%. I wonder if Hillary's the butt of the jokes in the senate since her name is Hill. Hill on the Hill. Yeah probably not. Fuck puns, I shouldn't go there.

It's funny how people like me aren't really watching the race for the issues. It's pure sport. The Republicans are the Western conference, the Dems the East. This is the championship series here, before the Finals in Novemeber. McCain's already in after his latest four game sweep and Hillary/Obama have been in Game 7 for months. It's one of those game 7s where there's a team favored by fifteen points. But... forget it. This sports metaphor is true, yes. It held up nicely in my head. On screen though it's dumb. So I'll stop.

Polls closed in Indiana.... TOO EARLY TO CALL... Blah... let's keep waiting.

I want to stick to our candidates though. Let's play a game of Would you Rather? We've all heard the would you rather about the red telephone at 3AM, but what about some basic issues. I'll even let McCain be a part of this game.

1. Who would you rather have for a parent?

2. If the candidates were actually cops, who would you want to pull you over?

3. If your favorite sports team decided to change its name in honor of a candidate who would you want it to be. The Charlotte John McCains? The Houston Hillarys? The Oklahoma City Obamas? Remember to consider logo, mascot and so on.

*UPDATE UPDATE Polls close in NC in 10 minutes!!***

4. Let's return to the questions... If one of the candidates had to take over for the freaky Verizon guy, who would it be? What about if one had to take over for Jared (of Subway fame)?

**UPDATE... Indiana: 16% of the Vote. H has 57%, O has 43%... Getting a bit closer.... NC closes in 4 mins or so**

5. Another question... If you had to be a caretaker for one of the candidates in his/her old Depends-clad age, who would it be?

**UPDATE... less than a minute... less than a minute in NC... less than a minute... three seconds.....two... one... CNN PROJECTION.... OBAMA WINS, OBAMA WINS, OBAMA WINS.... damn he must've kicked her ass**

Looks like the race will go on and on and on.

One more question to mull over till tomorrow... Who makes the better Sonny and Cher. Hillary and Obama or Hillary and McCain?