Topical Tuesdays: The Pump

Bitching about gas has become a cliche. It's a fair thing to bitch about since the prices have been insane for years now, but there's not really any new humor to be found in such an unfortunate topic. That won't stop me though. I hope to at least pose a few new questions. There's nothing wrong with reinventing the wheel if you can reinvent it to fly and cook you dinner and offer you security. Not saying that I'll be making improvements like that to the topic of gas prices, but it's hypothetically possible for someone to take the tired topic that far in a positive direction.

Apparently CNN had some special about gas prices, a sort of "what if" horror story about the world running out of oil and gas prices topping 10 bucks a gallon. I didn't watch the special, so for all I know, these deep questions I'm about to propose have been discussed at length. If this all looks like plagiarism, please please know that I never saw the special, and if I had seen the special and wanted to steal something, I'd at least own up to my theft.

Speaking of theft, with prices already high, gas stations have begun to clamp down on gas thieves. If they think stealing is a problem now, just wait. If gas were 10,11,12 bucks a gallon and it cost over a hundred bucks to fill up your car, almost everyone would want to be a gas bandit. Not only individuals stealing gas, but huge gangs taking over gas stations and peddling the shit like crack. It would probably start a civil war. But let's not get so severe for a moment. If this thought is occurring to me, it's occurring to plenty of other people that actually make decisions. It's not a happy scenario, so I'm sure plenty's being done to do something about the pending problem. I'm not so sure that they're doing much to stop the climb of gas prices, but they have to be doing something to prevent gangs from taking over when gas gets that high. The question then should be, how high will gas have to get before they start having cops and/or armed gas-men at the pumps?

You'd probably also need some sort of device that would prevent people from syphoning your gas, since that's another sure problem.

This may sound all Waterworld, but I'm not some hairy dude with a megaphone screaming about 9 headed blasphemous snakes and how Coldplay are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Yes, I'm hairy, but no I'm not screaming about all that. I'm a cute Jewish boy with a winning (if somewhat gappy) smile, three rambunctious pet owls, a swell gem of a girlfriend and an overall normal demeanor. Okay, fine, not normal, but not madman street prophet either.

Just think about it logically. We all have a breaking point. We bitch and moan when gas is where it is now, but when will the bitching becoming shooting and the moaning become pilfering? It's bound to happen sometime.

Then when they talk about the "Gas Pump" they won't be referring to the device you put in your car to pump your gas.