THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS

I was going to spend this whole post bitching about my Republican co-worker and the outrageous things I overheard her say yesterday but I don't condone such widespread gossip. However, I'm fine with one-on-one gossip if anyone wants to ask me what I heard the next time they see me.

In keeping with the original nature of Thoughtful Thursdays, I will list a handful of things that drive me utterly bonkers.

1. THE PHONES RINGING IN MY OFFICE- For some reason we don't have individual phone lines. Just a main number. That would be fine if we had a receptionist... but we don't. Three days a week an intern answers most of the phones but other than that we're all on "phone duty." To make it more annoying we now have a doorbell that rings everyone's phone so guests can be admitted. That sound makes me foam at the mouth.

2. SLOW WALKERS- In the grocery store, on the sidewalk, wherever. Unless you're old or disabled, you don't have a good excuse. If you want to walk slow, just walk in the street.

3. THAT FEELING YOU FEEL WHEN THE ALARM GOES OFF ON A WEEK DAY. THAT FEELING THAT SAYS "OH I DON'T WANT TO GET UP BUT AT LEAST I KNOW I'M GOING TO SAVOR MY SLEEP THIS WEEKEND." BUT THEN WHEN THE WEEKEND COMES, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CAPTURE THAT SATISFACTION... ESPECIALLY SINCE I USED TO BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THAT PLEASURE ON SNOW DAYS. BUT NOW I LIVE IN LA, WHERE IT NEVER SNOW

4. TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO EAT WHEN I'M HUNGRY. I'm sure anything would satisfy me, but nothing sounds quite worthy ofi breaking the pain.

5. PEOPLE WHO THINK RACISM IS GONE NOW THAT OBAMA HAS BEEN ELECTED PRESIDENT (See number 10 as well).

6. HOUSES THAT SMELL LIKE DOG (see number 9 as well).

7. REALIZING THAT POTS AND PANS THAT I NEED TO COOK DINNER ARE DIRTY

8. MY INABILITY TO PLANT A MONEY TREE THAT ACTUALLY SPROUTS MONEY

9. DOGS THAT BARK FOR NO REASON (I swear I like dogs. A lot. Just not fucked up annoying dog).

10.WHITE PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE "RACE CARD." Come on, seriously come on. If you don't like the race card, you should invent a time machine so you can go back and tell your ancestors (or if you're not 20th generation American, your friends' ancestors) not to invent thousands of cramped RACE SLAVE SHIPS full of people that they've enslaved and given a "race" to in the first place. Maybe you just didn't get the job cause there was some food stuck in your teeth.

On that especially Jack Cafferty-esque note, I will leave you to ponder your own pet peeves? Perhaps "sunrises" or "yellow cars" or "The Mad Monk." Whatever... Oh and one more pet peeve

11. PEOPLE NOT LEAVING COMMENTS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION ANYMORE

Seriously folks. I have no problem making up states for future Wagonwheel Wednesdays.