In honor of the Jewish New Year, I will address the validity of a few stereotypes about my people. I won't discuss whether or not we have horns (we do) or whether we used to make matzoh out of the blood of Christian babies (we preferred brains). We'll going to deal with some more pressing matters.
ALL JEWS ARE CHEAP
I'm sure you know the joke. "Curb" made a great reference to it last season. "Wanna see a bunch of Jews stampede all over the place? Throw a penny." Now here's the deal. We're not cheap. Some of us are. But most Jews I know that actually have money give a hell a lot of it away to charities. Now many of these charities are Jewish oriented but not all. I for one am very conscious of this stereotype. If I'm with a bunch of non-Jews, I may pay an extra couple dollars.
Really this stereotype comes from jealousy. Jews came to this country despised and broke and while we still are despised, we have a good amount of money, influence and power proportionally. This isn't pro-Jewishness, it's just true. Not because we're schemers, but because our specific type of oppression, mixed with our specific type of communal and religious values produced a breeding ground for success. So certain people that see this, get jealous and say we're cheap. Not true.
Take me for instance. I waste tons of money on useless things but I'm not a good example. Not spending lots of money on dumb shit doesn't mean you're cheap. Listen up, Johnny. Just cause your Jewish father won't buy you a 42 inch 1080 LCD for President's Day doesn't mean he's cheap.
ALL JEWS ARE SMART
I know some terribly dumb Jews. Jews that spell "truck" without the "c." But truth be told, we've won a lot of Nobel Prizes. Does that mean we're smarter or are just good at cheating the system? I think it's more the former, but maybe I'm biased. No, I'm kidding. It's probably a mix of both... Oh I don't know...I'm smart. I'll tell you that. Maybe because I'm Jewish. Probably just cause my parents are smart.
JEWS AREN'T CAPABLE OF EVIL
Person B kills 6 Million of Person A's family members. Does this mean that every relative of Person A and Person A's family will now be immune from despicable acts? Oh hell no. Perhaps the most infamous evil Jew is the Son of Sam. Many in the Jewish community tried to say that because SoS was adopted, he can't really be considered a Jew. The argument states that although Jews raised SOS, the Jews that raised him didn't pass any of their pure DNA to him. Well, fuck that logic. Not only is it completely holier-than-thou bullshit, but David Berkowitz's birth parents were Jewish too. Jews are capable of good, evil, anything. Note to fellow Jews: if you don't want people saying things like "Jews are cheap" or "Jews are filthy" then don't say " Jews aren't capable of evil."
ALL JEWS LOOK LIKE WOODY ALLEN
I may look like Woody Allen but that doesn't mean that all Jews look like Woody Allen. Although Eastern European Jews (aka Ashkenazi Jews... oh wait hold up, Ashkenazi has "nazi" in it? Damn, that's ironic....) have a lot of the power and visibility around the world, that doesn't mean we're the only Jews out there. There are Spanish Jews, Iraqi Jews, Black Jews, Indian Jews. We come in more flavors than lifesavers.
Okay, that's good for now. Please go call up your closest Jewish friend and wish him or her "shana tova." That means Good New Year in Hebrew.
A picture of me:
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