You'd be right. It's everything you ever imagined.
Maybe I haven't given the place a chance. That seems to be a common refrain for these states. All I know is that I spent hours driving across the state rather late at night and felt pretty fucking unsafe. Maybe it was the stretch of two hours where I didn't see a single light by the side of the road. Or perhaps it was my fruitless 200 mile search for a gas station. Or maybe it was when I finally found a gas station only to realize I was pumping gas next to a guy who had a tremendous hunting knife hanging from his belt. No no no all that was fun in comparison to my "where the fuck am I." moment.
It came after I checked into my hotel...er motel in Salina, Kansas. The place seemed fine and all. Not gorgeous but good enough for a night's rest. Until the noisy air condition kicked it. Loud is one thing but this machine sounded like it tortured babies for its power. I made it through the night though. However, the next morning as I took a shower, I noticed that the shower curtain had blood splatters all over it... Shit, if I had seen that the night before, I would've chugged 20 oz. of coffee and driven another 3 hours to Kansas City. The Missouri side of Kansas City that is.
A couple years later I was supposed to spend another night in Kansas. This time Wichita. But I ended up altering my trip a bit so I could see more national parks and switched my Midwestern pit stop to Lincoln, Nebraska instead. A few days before the day I was supposed to spend in Wichita, I saw a news report about how the BTK (Bind Torture and Kill) serial killer had been captured in Wichita. Sure, he would've been in jail by the time I got there. And I know serial killers can strike in any state at any time, but consider it the cherry atop my Kansas sundae of paranoia.
So if you like repetitive flat landscapes and the feeling that someone's watching you, ready to pounce and hack to you bits, then maybe Kansas is the home for you.
1 comment:
In my experience, Lawrence, Kansas is actually a very nice town. Super cool and friendly people and lots of music and record stores, etc. Kansas City, Kansas is truly awful, but certainly better than Kansas City, Missouri, which is perhaps the worst place on earth.
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