TOPICAL TUESDAYS: APOLITICAL ALEX?

During the primary season all I could think about was politics. I'd read the various sites and blogs all day. I'd check news updates on my phone at parties. I couldn't get enough. But wow that each party has a nominee, I could care less. I'm sure this is typical July malaise. Or perhaps it's because Obama's become a little bitch recently. It's pretty unreal. A lot of the pundits talk about the moves he's made that have damaged his brand, like supporting the Supreme Court gun control decision and some business in a place called Iraq. All very true. But a bit of flip-flopping is inevitable. I never for a moment thought Obama was above politics. But the real concern to me is that Obama's been drinking a bit too much huge John Kerry juice. Remember in the '04 debates when Kerry said he'd find the terrorists and kill them? He put great emphasis on kill. Surprised he didn't say he'd kill and torture and squeeze their little eye balls out of their head. No one bought it. The American people suck at most things but we're pretty good at smelling bull shit. Democrats aren't hawks. End of story.

It's like the little bald fuck cutting you off in his fire engine Ferrari. No one buys that shit. Obama, you're liberal. Be liberal. Live and die by it. Yeah there's some women (or gay men) that crave a giant cock, but there are more that are turned off by the sports car and all the fucking posturing. Sports car drivers have small penises. We all know, and what's more most of us think the over-compensation is pretty fucking lame.

Same here!

Listen Obama. Listen. During the past six months, you've gotten apathetic youngins finally convinced that the American Dream isn't just a cliche that kid's write college essays about. You got there by being strong, unwavering and pointed. Rhetoric, sure. But consistent rhetoric. Now what? The message you're sending is "Be yourself and you can seriously be considered for executive chef. But once you get to the final battle with the other possible chef, stop serving up anything that challenges the palette. Just go back to a fucking chicken cordon bleu." That's a real good strategy. Look how well it worked for Richard on Top Chef last season.

My generation has waited for the day where election night isn't a choice between the lesser of two evils. It seemed like that time had finally come. Now I'm not so sure. Perhaps Obamania can win me over again, but right now I feel like I'm watching my favorite band water down their sound for a major label debut. Like when Liz Phair got Avril's producer. Not that I like Liz Phair at all. But I can't think of a more insane example of selling out. Well maybe the Black Eyed Peas. Whatever. You get the image.

I'm asking you Mr. Obama, begging, pleading. Please have your "In Rainbows" moment. Hmm that's not quite right, because I enjoyed "Hail to the Thief" more than current Obama... Have your MATCH POINT moment? Eh, overrated flick, but good enough...Your "Graceland" moment? Your THERE WILL BE BLOOD moment? Your THE DEPARTED moment? Damn I'd even settle for your Sylvester Stallone in COPLAND moment. Just get us excited again! I'm sure I'm overreacting. It's July. The world slows down. Mistakes are made. I get it.

But seriously, Obama man. Don't play not to lose. Play to win. Or else you'll end up like my Philadelphia Eagles. Superbowl-less.